We have way too much shit. (Sorry Grandpa, but that is the best word for it. Crap just does do this junk justice.)
We've managed to pack up about half of the kitchen, most of the bookshelves in the living room (devoid of books, but fragiles remain for packing), and most of the spare room. Remaining: master bedroom, closet (ugh), office, and garage (oh my goodness, I don't even want to think about that!!)
The bad part is that I really want to downsize, I just don't want to spend the time and energy to go through the stuff now as that is precisely what we don't have: time. So it is all getting boxed up and moved to the new place. Oiburner and I have made a pact that as we unpack we will purge.
I just think of Sonja and Roland and friends D&T going through their items three or four times, winnowing down the "important" items and taking only what is necessary. I want a simpler life. I need a simpler life in order to face the changes coming up.
My Mother In Law is no longer capable of living on her own. After some changes of mind on her part, she kinda sprang it on us that she wanted to move in with us. (Yes we had offered, but she was pretty adamant at one time that she wasn't going to accept.) The sudden reversal of decision and subsequent edict to go out and buy a new house had us spinning. Yeah, MIL could live in our house, but then she wouldn't be able to bring any of her stuff.
Her primary requirements were bed (king size), baby grand piano, and grandfather clock. I understand all these things. But they won't fit in our current house. We really struggled with an idea of finally building that garage we wanted, turning the current garage into living space, and calling it good. However, that wouldn't happen in the truncated time table we had to work in. MIL had made up her mind and didn't understand what was taking so long.
So we canceled all vacation plans and set in earnest to looking for houses that would fit all of our requirements. That was not a fun process, especially as Oilburner was traveling in another state for much of it. In between, we also flew to CA to help clean up her house in order to put it on the market. Again...mind made up, it has to be done NOW!
Then the struggles began to include, "So now I get to bring all my furniture" instead of just the three most important items. Yeah... that is a daily, ongoing struggle that will only end when the furniture truck arrives and we put our feet down as to what makes it past the hallowed doors...and what doesn't. I'm not looking forward to this...
As for the moto content...wait till you see the man cave... We close this Friday, I'll post pictures then.
Update: 90% of the master closet is packed (which is also the linen closet), the office closet is empty of various and sundry motorcycle and all other manner of clothing, and the bookshelves in the office are starting to show some bare patches. Wonder if we actually will complete this disaster by Friday???
Oh, I don't envy you at all. Moving on short notice would be extremely stressful. I'm sure it'll be good in the long run but it probably doesn't seem that way now.
ReplyDeleteYou should have diverted Bobskoot.
I hear he has tons of time off… ;-)
LOL. I don't envy me either. I think once the dust settles it will be a very good thing. It's just hard to see now, like you say.
DeleteHmm...I hadn't even thought of the helping hands/Bobskoot angle. Shoot!
Lori:
DeleteHmmm, free room and board, and all I have to do is to drive and load the moving truck ? sounds like a good gig
I have to purge too. I think we are all guilty of hoarding too much stuff
bob
Riding the Wet Coast
Free? You think hauling boxes (and don't think for a minute you can load and forget about unloading) is easy??
DeleteYeah, I've seen your house. You are guilty too. hehe
Hope it all goes well! Know that you're welcome to come visit just as soon as we're all moved. ;)
ReplyDeleteThank You! Thank You! Thank You! We need to talk soon so I can hear of your plans! I just see abstract allusions to this change for you...
DeleteYou have my sympathy on various counts!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Well, it's time to pay back, right? My brother is volunteering my house for the nursing home. MIL first, then step-father, then mother, then father. Hmm...charge them all rent, I might make out in the end. hehe
DeleteWow, the stress, the chaos, the uncertainty ... Still, you are being the supportive wife to the son who is doing his honorable duty. Kudos, I hope for the best outcomes.
ReplyDeleteThanks Dom! I'm a little scared, not having lived with a parental figure in many, many years. And this one isn't even mine! :) The new house offers many opportunities for sanctuary, so when things get crazy I have places to run to and hide. Fingers crossed it works.
DeleteGood luck and best wishes on these challenges! Battles will be fought, lessons will be learned. Compassion needed on all sides!
ReplyDeleteHave you found any houses with MIL houses on the property?
Hi Martha!! Another one that knows exactly the stress of moving. I think back to your belongings and sigh. Even when I moved out of my mothers house many moons ago I had more "stuff" than your last move. Mine was mostly furniture my mother was giving to me...
DeleteYou are correct, battles will come. I hope they aren't nearly as bad as I perceive them in my mind. Compassion is one thing, but when you are the only one giving, or giving in, compassion becomes difficult.
Unfortunately, MIL wants the "family" experience back. An In Law house wasn't going to cut it. We were hoping for a place that had an In Law apartment downstairs as something for us to live in. (We are giving MIL the master bedroom/bath on the main floor. That way she won't have any stairs to negotiate and the shower is better sized for her needs. And it will help in the future for if/when she needs live in care.) It was very difficult to find someplace that would meet even half our criteria.
The place we found though? Ouch...almost too good to be true. I've been avoiding the packing because I'm superstitious. The first house fell through at the last minute when the owners wouldn't concede on some items uncovered during inspection. This house...wonderful, but I haven't wanted to start packing, thinking the other shoe would fall.
We are decluttering as we speak! Notice hubby has 4 motorbikes though! lol!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on decluttering. Are you being successful? Laying in bed looking at the bookshelf items I wonder if I really need that cute little porcelain bathtub with the cute seal in it. Nope. No I do not. But I'm afraid when I get to the new place I'll think "but I have so much space, what could it hurt..." Tell me any secrets you garner along the way if it helps. :)
DeleteAnd I see no problem with getting rid of junk to keep 4 motorbikes. (We have 6...) ;)
Ahhh moving. It is a double edged sword is it not? The thrill of the new place, but the agony of packing all our worldly possessions.
ReplyDeleteLooking around our house makes me appreciate that when we moved to Corvallis in 2001 everything we owned fit under the canopy of our Nissan pickup. Then the crap starts to multiply.....arg.
Fingers crossed it will be a smooth process for you. Let's hope your MIL feels in a compromising mood when the truck arrives.
Kudos to you and Oilburner for housing the parental unit. I am sorry, but not for love nor money could I deem to do that. There was a reason I moved out of my mother's when I was 17 a few months before I graduated - sanity being one of them.
Hi Trobairitz, I haven't gotten excited about the new place yet. Our time table is so short and rushed, and OIlburners work might send him out of town either the week before his mother's move (leaving me with the house set up) or the week after his mother arrives (leaving me with overseeing her moving van arrival). It isn't looking good. So, no, I haven't gotten excited yet. A big rock of dread is in my tummy.
DeleteI envy you with all your stuff fitting into one pickup at one time. Even moving out of my mothers house I had more than that, and it was all furniture. But it sure doesn't mulitple fast doesn't it. Ugh.
MIL is 86 and has lived in her current house for 50 years. She's struggling with this. And when each child tells her something different she gets very confused and agitated. We'll see how it goes...
OMG! What a head spinner. Hope all goes well. When we had to help my mom downsize it was hard because we had different points of view. I saw "stuff" and she saw memories. Hope all goes well and the adjustment smooth for all!
ReplyDeleteYep. That is exatly it. They see memories. And I do understand that. But just because they have memories doesn't mean that she gets to keep all of her stuff while we consolidate two households into one and I have to get rid of all of mine. Especially when some of her stuff includes sofas and chairs that are 25+ years old!! Purchased from a motel that was renovating 30 years ago!!
DeleteShe looks at pictures of the house and thinks that her crappy, cheap pine table will go in the breakfast nook. Excuse me? I have an antique kitchen table that will be going in that spot. "Oh? You have a kitchen table?" Sigh...
Lori,
ReplyDeleteYou are a saint! My mother in law came to stay for 3 months just after we'd moved to NZ. We get on well but after a month, it got to the stage where we sat her down and told her that if she didn't pull her head in, she was on the next plane back to the UK. It worked a treat and we even let her come back for another extended visit!
All the very best!!
Hi Geoff,
DeleteSaint I am not if you only knew some of the stuff that's been going through my head. I anticipate the same sitting down and coming to Jesus discussions. Only we'll have to have them 5 times.
I've had my passive aggressive moments. She wants to bring all her furniture, including the broken stuff. She doesn't like the cost of moving her household, but doesn't want to leave anything behind. We finally convinced her to leave her 25 year old sofa and chairs, that it would be cheaper to purchase new stuff, rather than the cost of moving this old stuff. Finally had her agreeing, then a week later she changed her mind because her other son (the one that wouldn't let her keep her bed if he lived with her) told her she should keep the sofa. WTF???? The next day I was out purchasing a new sofa and chairs for MY living room. If she doesn't want to compromise and we pick out something together, I was claiming the living room and will decorate it how I see fit.
Yeah...no saint...
BeemerGirl - I do not envy you at all. I walk down to my too filled basement, turn the light off and go back upstairs. I really need to do a purge and have just ignored it for awhile.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have too much to do right now and its a little overwhelming. Hope you get it done and manage to winnow down your things to a comfortable level.
This was certainly a life changing decision for you. As much as I love my mother-in-law - she was the reason we moved back to Germany - I could not envision to have her living in... but we live close by and my hubby visits her as often as he can. He is being the good son, but I cannot be the all too good daughter.
ReplyDeleteI imagine there will be tough times but being the person you are you will probably ride them out smoothly.
De-cluttering is a very healthy process, I find. I am not a big friend of holding on to things (two-wheelers being the exception from the rule).
All the best!