Monday, August 15, 2016

One Hit Wonder?

Well...I've spilled my soul, written a first post after too long a time, haven't done much riding...what am I supposed to write about now?

I guess there are a few things to get off my chest...

I tend to keep things bottled up.  Unless, of course, you go by the handle of Oilburner.  Then you get to see the crazy come dancing forth in all its rainbow and unicorn glory.

I am basically a private person, not looking to air out the laundry.  I don't want to complain about my problems because everyone has problems.  Many that are worse than mine.  I also tend not to talk about my successes because I don't want to boast. So that makes me a very good listener, question asker, and shoulder to cry on or vent to, as well as being your biggest cheerleader.

This also means that I tend to get stuck in my own head.  Oilburner still gets to carry the brunt of that issue...

However, there are a couple of things that have been weighing heavily for awhile now that I need to get out. 

Bobskoot

Bobskoot...bobskoot....bobskoot

Trobaritz and All Things Rogey were of the basic sentiment "Bloody Hell Bob!"  Even two years later I'm still not ready.  He's gone too soon and too suddenly.  I am still very upset with him.  And may be one of the reasons I have avoided the blogs, as his name kept popping up with new posts as Skooterbob has made its travels.

Bob and I had been texting back and forth shortly before he left us.  He and Yvonne would be in Knoxville as Oilburner and I were heading north on our vacation.  I put forth the idea that Oilburner and I would adjust our route and swing by to meet for dinner.  It was only going to be 4-6 hours out of our way.  No big deal at the start of our vacation.  He declined.  As we had never met in real life he wanted to reserve our first meeting to his retirement trip the following year.  His reasoning was that he couldn't stand meeting for just a few hours over dinner.  He wanted to wait until we could spend lots of time together to talk, ride, and eat.  Days later and it was no longer an option.  We had been texting the night of his death because Oilburner and I had made it to Mike and BRWs.  I was sending him teaser pictures that we were taking the lodging accommodations he had occupied the year before.  He was appropriately jealous.

The next day Oilburner and I went to Nova Scotia and didn't have good data coverage.  So I didn't think too much about additional messages.  I started to question things when we returned to the US.  I pinged him a few times, figuring their vacation was going great.  But I started to get concerned when another week passed without any responses.  It was never like Bob to not respond.  But we all know how that turned out.

Anyway...I'm still having difficulty in letting go.  Therefore, one reason I withdrew from the blogs.  As much as I would like to host Scooterbob, I still don't think I am ready.

Around the same time we also went through a major personal upheaval by leaving our house of 13 years, to purchase a new home to share with my mother-in-law.  We were collapsing two households into one, with one lady being very unwilling to part with anything from a home she had lived in for 50 years.  I can't blame her, but I also can't condone keeping 25 year old towels riddled with holes.

I tried.  We tried.  We weren't prepared for her actual conditions, abilities, and needs.  We weren't prepared for the emotional and mental impact.  The toll this would take on communication, day-to-day living, interactions, everything.  We weren't prepared.  You would like to think you are, but you can never be prepared for this.  It was difficult to overcome.  And we spiraled down.  Everything we were used to in our lives had been downgraded and we were facing just existing and making it through each day.  Everything suffered.

Only now are we beginning to emerge.  Trying to get our heads back together and pull the strings of our lives back.  But now we have an entire new crop of questions.  Questions I am sure everyone asks themselves.
  • What am I doing with my life?
  • I don't like my job, but do I move on?  If yes, how and to where??
  • Should we move to a place that will make us happier and healthier?
  • Where would that be to balance winter and snow and motorcycle season?
We don't have any answers.  We are still trying to figure out even how to answer.  We are still mired in the mud that has sucked us down, and trying to figure out how to get out.  Any suggestions?  :)

This is all a very long-winded explanation of why I withdrew for the last two years.  I hope you can overlook this transgression.

I've still got my wanderlust.  I've picked up many motorcycle adventure tomes.  Even managed to read a couple of them when the veil lifted every so often.  I give serious thought to chucking all responsibilities and going on an adventure for a year.  Oilburner and I talk of this repeatedly and weigh the possibility versus the hit our responsible adults lives will take. We don't have any answers here either.  Rather depressing...

I'm really hoping to reconnect with you and life and everything that we found enjoyable.  Hoping that will give me the connections to start feeling responsible...


19 comments:

  1. Life's too short to be miserable. I look at my dad, who worked until he was basically unable to, and now has dementia - and I think, "nope, don't want to live that way - there's more to life than work." If Oilburner would consider leaving the country, I'd say that you guys should try it. It's certainly worth the time to do so, and school's a hell of a lot cheaper overseas (if that's what you're wanting to do).

    Welcome back. I understand not communicating while you're in the middle of a mess - I also understand that it's hard to start back to it. You've made a start, though, and I think you're asking the right questions. Just remember, Buy Experiences, Not Things and money can buy happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's exactly what I am talking about. And the topic of many conversations with Oilburner lately. I don't want to just work until retirement...and then something happens to ruin retirement. As for overseas, I might be wearing Oilburner down and it may be something he will start to look more favorably upon...

      And thank you for the encouragement, support and understanding. So often I just wonder if I have anything interesting to even share, because nothing exciting is going on. But as Richard says below...just because motorcycle is in the name, doesn't mean that I only have to write about them. :)

      Delete
  2. By the way, posting comments here doesn't work with:

    FireFox with uBlock Origin & Privacy Badger
    Chrome with AdBlock Plus & Privacy Badger

    Didn't try it with Opera or Safari - worked on vanilla Internet Explorer.

    I suspect it's the Privacy Badger trapping cookies from Google when Google really didn't need to hand them out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for testing it. :) I'm not sure what I will be able to do about it. But there was a notice of cookies and disclaimers when I finally came back to post. BlogSpot and google must have made some interesting changes. I'll see what I can find out.

      Delete
  3. It is good to hear from you Lori. We think about you often. It doesn't sound like life has been much of a barrel of laughs lately and I hope that you two are well on your way back to normalcy. Wait..... what is normal anyway?

    If you are looking for a long riding season Oregon has one......just saying.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who wants normal? :) I'd be happy with just being able to have a life. That has been what has been lacking. We are on our way though.

      And don't think that we haven't bantered Oregon around. ;-)

      Delete
  4. "transgression"!

    That word kind of caught my eye. Is there a code of conduct for the Internet? After reading some forums and comments I think that 99% of the Internet didn't get the memo... Nothing to overlook.

    It is good to hear from you even sporadically. A blog shouldn't be a burden or another job though I have been running into some YouTube vloggers who are trying to turn it into a part-time job. And they seem to put a lot of hours into their video/vlog posts. Quite a few blogs seem to shut down after a couple of years. Just because your title has "motorbike" in it, that doesn't have to be the only subject. Maybe if you are trying to monetize it...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU!! A good kick in the butt is needed. I do have an aversion to posting non-moto related material. Though I have given it much thought. Honestly though, there hasn't been much going on. I'm not looking to monetize this. Just sharing experiences and enjoying making friends.

      Delete
  5. Echoing the welcome back comments. Life can sure be a travail at times and it sounds like you're working things out but now face the questions most of us face and struggle with.

    I've only one thing to put out there....Martha and I lost a dear friend to cancer just a few years ago, and it showed to us that life is not only finite but can have an unexpectedly sudden ending; kind of like we motobloggers losing Bobskoot. So now we make plans for the "now", not "for when we're retired".

    Most people, I've found anyways, hate their job. But also, the happier ones find a way to adjust their perspective on said job to make it doable if no other realistic options present themselves.

    As to yearround motorcycling....there's a way to prevent snow and ice from precluding riding. :)

    Your present living conditions are one of the scenarios in my future...

    Like RichardM said, blogging shouldn't be a chore. Do it if you like it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Dom!!! I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It is so very hard and so thought provoking. I get it. Lost a good friend and neighbor two weeks after she was diagnose with cancer. Then within 4 months lost my fraternal aunt and a maternal uncle. It does hit and makes one reevaluate. Have you made any changes?

      I agree on figuring out a way to make the job enjoyable. I do try and sometimes are good, and other days are super low. Just need to determine if the lows outweigh the highs.

      And you are always welcome out here for a needed vacation... Just saying! hehe

      Delete
    2. Changes? Sure...we take the "big trips" now...not waiting till retirement.

      Delete
    3. AAAhhhh!! The beautiful UK and Ireland trip?

      Delete
    4. Yes, and the one to Italy/Austria/Germany/Switzerland the year before.

      Delete
  6. Hey! So much that life throws our way is unexpected and occasionally is too big to catch - totally understand letting this drop, but hope that change will come and give you something to anticipate, and that you get your joy back.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU for the encouraging words and virtual hugs. I think we are getting a little closer every day. It's been tenuous. But we might have turned the corner. (See the next post. :) )

      Delete
  7. One life, live it..... easier said than done!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True and I look at you and Mrs. Nikos and always see it. :)

      Delete
  8. Welcome back, Lori. Bob's passing has hit hard everybody who knew him in various ways. Good to hear you're alive and kicking. Live your life. Warm greetings from Germany.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HI!! I'm sorry you are off both bikes for a little while! I hope that all is ok and you are healing up! Thanks for reaching out and posting. I'm trying to adjust my thinking and do as you say "live your life". It is coming. And how is Germany?? hehe

      Delete