Thursday, May 24, 2012

Paraprosdokian

Absolutely no motorbike content. But these just tickle me and I have to share. Oilburner keeps saying number 5 applies to me... I turn around and tell him to reread 19.

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26. Where there's a will, there are relatives.

19 comments:

  1. Lori:

    I think I agree with Oilburner, only because you "are hard to tame" . . .

    bob
    Riding the Wet Coast
    My Flickr // My YouTube

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  2. Dearest Bobskoot: Number 4...

    :)

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  3. Ha! You two are too funny.

    Those were great Lori, thank you for the morning chuckle.

    And since I am reading this at work I would have to say that numbers 10 & 11 apply to me at this very moment. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. I needed the chuckle this morning too, and wanted to share. Glad it worked. I can totally relate to 10 and 11 right now, as well. But for me this place lives by 22.

      Remember that it is Thursday before a long weekend for us! :)

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    2. Ms Lori:

      don't rub it in. Ours has long gone . . .

      bob
      Riding the Wet Coast
      My Flickr // My YouTube

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  4. Those are pretty good. I don't even want to think of all of them that apply, but I will admit to 11...

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    Replies
    1. That one just rings true doesn't it?

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  5. Replies
    1. Sometimes one needs a good chuckle. :)

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  6. Thanks for the smiles. Some of these might still make some interesting blog header themes on occasion. Number 4 has my name on it.

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    1. Sonja, my dear:

      you can't have #4. Dearest Lori gave it to me first !

      bob
      Riding the Wet Coast
      My Flickr // My YouTube

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    2. Sonja, I too pointed 4 out to Oilburner, along with 13. Hmmm, blog headers. Hadn't thought of that. Good idea.

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    3. Bob, two women can always claim 4. Haven't you learned that yet? ;)

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  7. #17 reminds me of a saying I heard from some soldiers while I was stationed with the 82nd Airborne: "You can airdrop anything....once".

    dom


    Redleg's Rides

    Colorado Motorcycle Travel Examiner

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    1. I laughed when I first read it, and laughed again when you pointed it out. Though it reminded me of the hangliders we were watching last weekend...

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  8. I love these. The clever use of words is something I admire, but sadly a skill I do not possess.

    As you mentioned him, here are my two favourite things Winston Churchill said....

    Winston Churchill had been drinking heavily at a party when he bumped into Bessie Braddock, a Socialist Member of Parliament.

    "Mr. Churchill, you are drunk," Braddock said harshly.

    Churchill paused and said, "And Bessie, you are ugly. You are very ugly. I'll be sober in the morning."

    Secondly.....

    In an exchange with Nancy Astor, an American-born politician in England:

    Astor once shouted at Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your coffee."

    His response: "If I were your husband, I'd drink it."

    Sexist, politically incorrect, quick-witted and brilliant, all at the same time. The man was a great leader.

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  9. Dear Steel Cupcake (Lori):

    I thought there was plenty of moto content here. You just didn't dig deep enough. Thanks for the laughs.

    Fondest regards,
    Jack/reep
    Twisted Roads

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